12 Comments

  1. Lindsay Berkebile
    August 16, 2017 @ 12:47 pm

    I may not have a “partner” but as a triathlete who is dating sometimes on the first date I get sad because the guy will say something like “I got to start working out more if I’m going to see you” or “are you ok if I can’t keep up with you on a run?” Or you can see them deflate when I meantion that one of my bffs is my training partner and is a guy….I never care about this stuff as I’m dating that guy because I like HIM not his athletic ability or muscle poundage. Sometimes I think partners can get TOO in their head assuming I must care more about that stuff than I do…all they need to do is ask me for reassurance or clarity on my thoughts about it! 🙂 communication as always is key ❤️My weight as a triathlete fluctuates between 20lbs(depending on my injury status and phase of training)! I hope to have the same type of acceptance and love from my partner as I do from them xo

    Reply

    • TriWivesClub
      August 16, 2017 @ 1:15 pm

      Thanks Lindsay. As I said, I know Carl really isn’t focused on Miranda’s gorgeous body for example, but I have to reconcile knowing I’m never going to look like that because I’m just not willing to put in the hours. It still makes me doubt myself on occasion, but I’ve pretty much come to peace with my reality and how I look – has taken me a long time, however. At the same time, I think there will always be just a little jealousy or whatever when I see how great athletes look and have wishful thinking…

      Reply

  2. Jen
    August 21, 2017 @ 9:38 am

    This may be one of your best articles yet… I am so glad that I’m not the only one!! My Tri-Hubs has been doing triathlons for 6 year now and the first 3 years of that were difficult in many ways, but my own body image was a biggie that I have never talked much about. Conquering my own insecurities has been quite a challenge. Thank you, so much, for sharing!

    Reply

    • TriWivesClub
      August 21, 2017 @ 10:19 am

      Hi Jen. I’ve been wanting to write something about this for a long time. I searched to find if someone else had discussed it and really couldn’t find anything. I certainly faced self esteem and self confidence issues when I went to my first race. When you see these women in spandex with no body fat you feel like such a frump, even if you’re your “normal” weight. Plus, it’s not something you can discuss with your triathlete and unless you know other triwives, you’re on your own to deal with it. I’m a few pounds heavier this year just when my husband is back doing triathlons – great – but, and it’s a big but (no pun intended) it’s now my own issue and nothing related to triathlons. Has taken me quite a few years to get to this place, though.

      Reply

  3. Cynthia Schon
    August 21, 2017 @ 10:06 am

    My husband has been a triathlete for 16 years, starting his training to lose the weight he put on when I was pregnant. He was immediately obsessed with everything about it and has accomplished amazing things (doing his 14th full in Kona in Oct!) I am incredibly proud of him and glad to have been there with our daughter to cheer for him at most of his races. I am quite heavy, as is my daughter, however, and we hate the way we feel judged at races. We don’t recall “signing on” for this life, and I certainly didn’t ever agree to a regimen of constant training while trying to raise a child and holding a high-stress FT job. It just sort of happened, and I could see how it fulfilled his needs so I only made a stink when the time away got absurd. I don’t think he has the energy for an affair, but we do jokingly refer to all of his female clients as his girlfriends. I had to quit all of the extracurricular activities that I enjoyed when I became a parent, and then triathlon took away the one who should have been my partner in that effort. He will never get a 2nd chance at the moments in our daughter’s life that he missed, but he made all of the important things like birthdays and school events. He is a dedicated marching band equipment dad now that she is in high school, but there still isn’t a moment of downtime for me. I don’t even know what I would do with it now if I had some because it has been so long since I considered my own needs and wants. I signed up for a “couch to 5K” program this spring, and it felt like I was constantly having to justify even that hour to leave work on time, not be responsible for picking up/dropping off, not being home to take the dog out when he already had a long ride planned, etc. The choice of 1 spouse to do triathlon affects every aspect of the partner’s life, not just their body image.

    Reply

    • TriWivesClub
      August 21, 2017 @ 10:41 am

      Hi Cynthia. Many thanks for sharing what you’re going through. There is no doubt that families are affected, both positively and negatively, by one spouse doing triathlons and most have no idea how the dynamics will change going in. It always amazes and saddens me to hear these stories and how widespread the issue is. We have written about the family issues before, but not how the partner’s body image can be impacted. I know it may sound trite, but communication remains what everyone says is necessary to survive this lifestyle. Not always a pleasant thing to do, but my husband and I have learned to compromise as a result. I guess you have answered my question if we sacrifice our own fitness for that of our triathlete’s….I hope you continue your running program and can focus on your own health and well-being.

      Reply

  4. Anna
    October 18, 2017 @ 12:22 pm

    Gosh, how I missed reading you! It has been a busy year. I struggled with this issue during my last year of nursing school. I have never been out of my small/medium size clothes in my life, but I still felt fat and sluggish after stopping my regular workouts due to the workload/stress. Meanwhile, my IM boyfriend never looked any better. I got to the point where I thought he needed a prettier, slimmer gf. I did. Then I graduated, returned to the gym and allowed my self-esteem to come back. Triathlete or not, if he only stayed with me for my looks, why would I need him?

    Reply

    • TriWivesClub
      October 18, 2017 @ 1:24 pm

      Hey Anna. It has been a long time. Welcome back! Glad to hear you’re hanging in there and thanks for sharing your experience. Maybe unless we’re serious athletes ourselves, we all go through these emotions. Luckily, we make it back like you did. You didn’t say if he’s still doing triathlons.

      Reply

      • Anna
        October 18, 2017 @ 8:16 pm

        He does. We just got back from Louisville yesterday and it was his PR race. Lake Placid one has an anniversary next summer, so I am suspecting the participation 😊 This KY race was his 6th full one and he said he’d lost count of the halves… I am not going to lie, I am having thoughts of doing at least one race for my bucket list…

        Reply

        • TriWivesClub
          October 19, 2017 @ 5:44 pm

          You’re a better woman than me, Anna! Keep us posted. We had friends in Louisville this year. How did you like the race and the area? We’re finishing out the year of halves in Miami.

          Reply

          • Anna
            October 21, 2017 @ 5:02 pm

            I loved the race! That finish line, by far, was the most emotional I have ever seen. So much spirit/raw determination in one place! The area had plenty of places to eat, but not much in terms of shopping… To be fair, we parked the car for 4 days and just walked everywhere…

          • TriWivesClub
            October 21, 2017 @ 5:14 pm

            Good to know. Always on the lookout for new race venues!

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